An interesting memory came to my mind. When I stepped into my cISO shoes, I soon became bullied by the owner.

I sought a psychotherapist due to supposed burnout.

She told me that according to Transactional Analysis ‘it takes two for tango.’ I tried to analyze all my memories and could only confirm that there is something to it.
Bullies don’t chose random victims. Not wanting to say it’s a victim’s fault, I do want to put into consideration that both are responsible for their involvement. They both contribute to the dance.
Again, it’s not about lowering the bully’s wrongdoing, but to realize that both need improvement. Technically, to ‘shorten the distance between them.’

My therapist told me directly that I, too, was attracting the owner to exert that kind of behavior because of my passiveness. For example, if I was a bit more decisive and said ‘WTF you think you’re talking to?’, she’d undoubtedly stop bullying me. It was kind of ‘my role’ to bring that behavior out the owner.

It was a hard pill to swallow but I found much sense in it.

Anyway, turning our back and pointing fingers on any of them doesn’t solve anything. Helping them address their problems is a much better solution.